Patience, Timing and Joy

Not certain what I am waiting for or if I am waiting., or walking, moving forward.

Listening.

Life is full, filled with empty spaces, the more I listen, Love expands, Gratitude holds me.

I follow the path I “think” I “must” follow out of obligation and fear. It is a dead end, each time I reach out to move forward, there is no response, like a lover who has grown tired, weary..uninterested.

I keep listening, walking along and stop by the river, the flow of Joy overwhelms. I open my heart and release the resistance and receive it.

The path keeps moving, I wander, look behind me, hope this is the right way or worry, what if this is the right path? I let go of fear, the obligation, the old fear. Movement comes easy, I stay grounded, centered, honest in honor of me and all that I am.

It feels flat, dry, yet crisp and full of Light. I am called to let go of the “redo” of old patterns and grasping at dreams long lost. It is not a dead end or a dream lost, it is The dream coming from Divine Light into Form.

I must be patient, kind and honoring of what flows through me as I write.

I feared, stressed and focused on not Being noticed or Seen.

Hiding what I so deeply desire to do.

Its timing, my heart, the Divine, what I ask for, I hear music, it beings great joy and a fresh sense of youth rises deep within from my heart.

I am focused on editing, writing, editing and then waiting, the treasure. The path where wisdom resides grace and gratitude ever present.

I am fully aware now of how I mastered shaming myself, punishing holding back because somebody somewhere just might not like me or I offend them or they don’t believe me or no one reads my messages of love and grace.

Today now this moment, I don’t care anymore, I gotta go!

I gotta write, for me and for the souls that just might find what I share a breath of joy, laughter, comfort and I open the door of curiosity, grace and Play!!

In honor of the many who have walked with me, protected, supported, guided, loved, prayed for, honored, encouraged, trusted and saw in me who I have become, the woman I am now in this single breath of change.

I am Letting go, surrendering, asking, waiting, forgiving self and others. Openness, wondering and allowing.

Allowing the desire of me the essence and grace of me within to be seen.

All of it!!

Time is ever moving.

I am here, open, moving forward and writing.

Allowing

Allow, let go and breathe and then what.. you ask?  

Surrender. Forgive. Let Go.

Find Gratitude for every experience from a cup of coffee, to sharing time and space with someone you love and especially for those times that feel like they won’t ever end.

The past few weeks have pressed, pushed, and pulled out every ounce of resistance I did not know I had or thought I worked through or just did not want to acknowledge was even mine.

Resistance to what, I wanted to know, what I was shown was resistance to resistance.

Resistance, to honor me, those I love, my gifts.

I was resisting.

So, I stopped. listened, watched and asked for guidance.  

It was there, before my eyes, the lack of sleep and the desire to just run.

The desire to run, is a sign to let go, allow and surrender.

It does not matter what is causing resistance or why its happening.

The most important part is that we notice, our emotions, our body, our behavior. 

The why we are doing and the what we are doing in the moment.

I had to ask to listen, to let go, to trust.  

Never easy, painful yes, always necessary.

Large decisions shifted in a direction unexpected, unsettling, yet exciting.

Letting go of resistance served up the change.

Once we embrace being open and surrender, the gift drops in, we have a new view of ourselves.  

We make changes in our life some seemingly subtle yet profound.

Growth and expansion of our hearts come when we we ask for help.

When we speak out loud “I receive, I am ready”.

The old shields of protection fall away as they no longer work.  

The Love that is being called in cannot be received nor honored if we do not accept the Grace of all that is occurring within our lives.

Love the resistance, the pain, the fear and then let it all go.

Regardless of what we believe we are always protected.

And then the path has changed, another unexpected gift.

May the road be wide and full of adventure.

Namaste’

Patience and Hope

Where are we now on this journey here today the 9th day of October 2018?

As I focus on my own health,  I watch others flourish and those that do not.

Can I have or find the patience for my own growth, health and focused forgiveness as well as for others?

I am not sure some moments.

Or is it time to quiet the world around me and listen to my own thoughts and find hope?

No matter what or where my, our focus goes, it is all,  at this moment seemingly so chaotic.  We have been groomed to perceive that chaos is negative.

But if we step back and we notice the Love and Light being shown on the Darkness within our own lives and the world that surrounds us and see Beauty, Gratitude and Joy, there is where we see patience and hope.

I must be patient in my own life and hold Hope within that all I desire will transform.

No matter what we try to push forward, Divine Timing is driving the course.

We can have a tantrum or we can sit and breathe.

Go for a walk. Listen to our breath.

Patience and Hope can seem intangible…unattainable.

There is one piece missing, the willingness to stop, so slow down, to listen.

We only have one second, one moment at a time.  Sages across the ages remind us of that, so what I am here to do?

I am focusing on Hope and Patience, and Love and Joy to support me as I bring forth the gifts of my soul.

That is all there is.

Excitement!

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A safari is under way, the deep discovery of soul.

Questioning of self has fallen away and opened a doorway to new adventures. 

Desire and Transforming our Hearts for change.

Our Hearts hold us as we transform, grow, listen and honor what we need for the catalyst of change.

So much has moved along the way, a recognition of health and change has prompted an allowing of my heart to complete, to honor and to embrace all I have done up until now in my life.

Change is around the corner. 

The delicious excitement is intoxicating.

Certainty has shown up again, a familiar friend. 

Honoring all the choices have brought profound healing and Light.

Excitement unfolds the Certainty of Love in Love for Love.

Perspective

I am sitting here going through photos.  

One by one the moment is touched.

The joy of my children keeps me on track.  

Their growth, my growth, their smile, my smile.  

So much life lived, so much love.

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Grief strikes, unexpected, unanticipated.

I embraced the photo sorting for my kids.

To give them a visual of their young life and connect them to their dad Before he died.

The marker is deep, no longer a trench of oozing goo, time has helped.

Yet, today I sit back, look and listen to where my heart is now.

I stay here, present and accounted for on November 26, 2017, 12:15PM.

I am amazed at the burning in my heart, first the anger then a deep sadness takes my breath away, I can’t stand it, the tears pour down my cheeks, warm fresh grief.  

I allow the grief to move up and out with a deep sense of appreciation for everything.

I made it through the thicket, the sludge of necessary change.

My kids made it too.  

They tell a story about love, acceptance, joy and change.

It was not easy.

The photos’ make it seem so.

To be the woman I am today and continue to become, 

I open to all that flows to and through me.

To give to my children, my new family, I must embrace me and change.  

To stand grounded, confident and at peace knowing I am enough,

I did enough and that’s all there is.

Within the grief of death there is more, the grief of my childhood, I stopped the generational system of abuse.

I confronted it, face forward, protecting myself and my children.

I am always amazed when I look at photos, the change in me, the beauty and light shining through as time passes.  

The peace within me shining through my eyes is a wonderful validation of grace.

I have faced my life experience, done the very best I know how to take responsibility for the behaviors created to survive that did not support thriving.

I have faced change and let go of, behaviors, people, places and things.

In that process I am who I am now.  

I cannot forget to honor the journey.

Do those moments of not knowing how to feel or react or express occur now, yes, they do.

Today the emotions are fresh and flowing.

I am so grateful, to be here, this moment, this breath, for me, my health, all my children, and my husband for he stands next to me and honors all that I am.

Embracing thriving, now I see, what I needed to see.  

There was joy through the sorrow.  

There was love honoring the anger and sadness.

And there was grace, gratitude, and forgiveness.

Perspective.

Thank you for reading my hearts expression.

Peace to you in all that you do.

Namaste’

Doubting our Doubt

Thinking, thinking and thinking about things, stuff, our doubt.  

Doubt, it’s feeling uncertain, or lack of confidence or hesitation.  

Doubting our doubt.

Transitions are ongoing.

In one day we go through a life time of emotions and experiences.  

What we forget is exactly that..

and must stop for a moment, to listen to our heart, our breath.

Our exterior world can wreck havoc on our inner world.  

I remind myself often how grateful I am for where I am at this moment this breath.

Is it easy to remember?

I would love to say I have mastered noticing with gratefulness.  

All I know is I actively remember that doubt is another form of worry and worry steals joy.

Joy is what brings peace to my soul’s desire.  

Bring on JOY!!!

Deep within

Time, after time and oh more time.  

I cannot believe how quickly each moment is moving.

All I know is,  I continue to let go of what does not serve.

Beauty and Peace has moved in.

What does that look like in a day?

Gratitude comes quick and shows up in the most unexpected places.

This time of year nature slows down to rest and honor the harvest.  

Honor you, honor what you do not like and let it go.

Honor you, honor what you love, appreciate and let it go.

I wish I knew where to start.

To share all that has transpired in the past few moments, months, and years.

I am making a promise to myself to write, to share and to honor the gifts within my heart.

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What will you do for you?  

What do you wish for and desire?  

What makes your heart sing?