I am sitting here going through photos.
One by one the moment is touched.
The joy of my children keeps me on track.
Their growth, my growth, their smile, my smile.
So much life lived, so much love.
Grief strikes, unexpected, unanticipated.
I embraced the photo sorting for my kids.
To give them a visual of their young life and connect them to their dad Before he died.
The marker is deep, no longer a trench of oozing goo, time has helped.
Yet, today I sit back, look and listen to where my heart is now.
I stay here, present and accounted for on November 26, 2017, 12:15PM.
I am amazed at the burning in my heart, first the anger then a deep sadness takes my breath away, I can’t stand it, the tears pour down my cheeks, warm fresh grief.
I allow the grief to move up and out with a deep sense of appreciation for everything.
I made it through the thicket, the sludge of necessary change.
My kids made it too.
They tell a story about love, acceptance, joy and change.
It was not easy.
The photos’ make it seem so.
To be the woman I am today and continue to become,
I open to all that flows to and through me.
To give to my children, my new family, I must embrace me and change.
To stand grounded, confident and at peace knowing I am enough,
I did enough and that’s all there is.
Within the grief of death there is more, the grief of my childhood, I stopped the generational system of abuse.
I confronted it, face forward, protecting myself and my children.
I am always amazed when I look at photos, the change in me, the beauty and light shining through as time passes.
The peace within me shining through my eyes is a wonderful validation of grace.
I have faced my life experience, done the very best I know how to take responsibility for the behaviors created to survive that did not support thriving.
I have faced change and let go of, behaviors, people, places and things.
In that process I am who I am now.
I cannot forget to honor the journey.
Do those moments of not knowing how to feel or react or express occur now, yes, they do.
Today the emotions are fresh and flowing.
I am so grateful, to be here, this moment, this breath, for me, my health, all my children, and my husband for he stands next to me and honors all that I am.
Embracing thriving, now I see, what I needed to see.
There was joy through the sorrow.
There was love honoring the anger and sadness.
And there was grace, gratitude, and forgiveness.
Thank you for reading my hearts expression.
Peace to you in all that you do.