Perspective

I am sitting here going through photos.  One by one the moment of that time is touched. The joy of my children is what keeps me on track.  Their growth, my growth, their smile, my smile.   So much life has been lived, so much love.

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The grief strikes this time, unexpected, not anticipated, I have wanted to embrace the photo sorting for my kids, to give them a visual of their life.  To connect them to their life as young children,  before their dad died.

The marker is deep, its no longer a trench of oozing goo, time has helped. Yet, today I have to sit back and look and listen to where I am now so I stay here, present and accounted for on November 26, 2017, 12:15PM.

I am amazed at the burning in my heart, first its anger.  Then a deep sadness takes my breath away, I can’t stand it, the tears pour down my cheeks, warm tears, fresh grief.  I allow the flow of words here, my grief moves up and out to a deep sense of appreciation for everything.

I made it through the thicket, the sludge of necessary change. My kids made it too.  Has it been easy, the photos’ make it seem so.  They tell a story about love, acceptance, joy and change.

It has not been easy, its been worth it and necessary.

To be the woman I am today,  for all that is flowing to me and through me, to give my children as well as the new family I am a part of now,  I must change, embrace me and change.  To stand grounded, confident and at peace knowing I am enough, I did enough and that is all there is.

Within the grief of death there is more, the grief of my childhood, I stopped the generational system of abuse. I confronted it, face forward, protecting myself and my children. I am always amazed when I look at photos, the change in me, the beauty and light shining through as time passes.  The peace within me shining through my eyes is a wonderful validation of grace.

I have faced my life experience and done the very best I know how to take responsibility for the behaviors created to survive that did not support thriving. I have faced change and let go of so much, behaviors, people, places and things. In that process I am who I am now.  I cannot forget to honor the journey.

Do those moments of not knowing how to feel or react or express occur now, yes, they do. Today the emotions were fresh and flowing.

I am so grateful, to be here, this moment, this breath, for me, my health, all my children,  and my husband for he stands next to me and honors all that I am.

Embracing thriving, now I see, what I needed to see in those photos.  There was joy through the sorrow.  There was love honoring the anger and sadness. And there was grace and forgiveness.

Perspective.

Thank you for reading my hearts expression.

Peace to you in all that you do.

Namaste’

 

Being all that we can be…for now this moment in time

IMAG0094I am so humbled and honored to be sitting in a place I love to sit, my local coffee shop sending a message out to the world.  I hope it offers  you wisdom and hope and teaches you the power of forgiveness and grace.

As I write I want so many to hear, to see, to know, to have, to feel Joy.

To learn that it is easier to let go and forgive than ever before.

Why, because our beautiful Mother Earth is healing.  And as she does we do and I do.  I would call myself a Hippie, a lover of earth, a flower child.  Yet, How could a Hippie, Healing Momma, feel somewhere deep within abandoned by Her, by Mother Earth.

As a mother of two amazing children I simply knew what I must do as a mother, protect, shelter them from harm, teach them, show them, and support them to be all that they can be.

This is Not what happened for me in my life.

Knowing my journey and as a mother it has been so difficult for me to come to terms with the trauma I endured as a child, that my mother did not protect me.

I have been so loyal to myself and healing yet confused and quite sad that I have felt like I would never be able to feel Whole and be released from the ghosts of the past and connected to Mother Earth.

I have asked for guidance, waking in the night so frightened that I am not the woman who I thought I was and why did I feel so lost and so alone.

And Then…by the grace of God, Divine Mother, I received wisdom that I must heal my relationship with my mother, mother earth and me.

I honestly thought I had done that all along yet truly I was not approaching it as she guided me to do.

Heal me first, my roots, my body, my soul and connect to Mother Earth.

Heal my relationship with her and the Divine Mother.

The blessing is…its three spirits, me, the mother within me, Mother Earth and Divine Mother.  The beauty of three. The grace of three.

The tears of relief and joy flow easily down my checks.

Thank you for reading this post, listening to my heart.  May the wisdom from my Heart and journey guide you and give you Hope.

Namaste

Change…in the Mirror of the Moon

The cow jumped over the Moon.

How much change would I have to do to jump over the Moon?

What is the Moon?

Is it Cheese?

Is it dust?

Is it Light?

moonWhy do I love it so?

My Heart moves with it.

My body loves it.

I see my Heart in It

Then why am I sometimes so afraid of the reflection?

What does it really mean, a Super Moon?

Sometimes I do not feel Super!

Love, how much we receive is how much we express.

Now I know why I Love the Moon.

I love….Love.

All in All its All in All!!!

I am Believer!! I Believe in Jesus, Buddha, Dali Lama, God and All that has been created and surrounds me this moment this Breath.

I love acupuncture, prayer and Any other form of Healing that this Incredible Universe has brought to my attention upon this earthly journey.

An evolutionary shift.  A God thing, a Love thing, an Incredibly Beautiful Thing! It’s all about the Energy.  Everything is Energy, Vibration, Love and Joy!! Love is a Frequency and a Vibration.

Are you feeling the LOVE????!!!  If not? Why Not?

We are Living in an amazing Time, All in All it’s All in All.  Why?

No Matter what spiritual belief you have it all comes down to Love.

It’s Big!! It’s Glorious and for certain, Filled with Beauty!!!

Here is what has moved through my Heart!!

I am all about looking for, seeing and enjoying the Beauty in Life.  Even when I faced

with a difficulty or challenge.

On my journey, I have determined I must face, honor, acknowledge, Bless and let go and surrender to the Abundance that has been in my life that I have Not wanted to accept or for that matter Honor, Respect and Receive.

The Hardest for me to Accept and Receive is the Death of my Husband.  I have resisted, fought tooth and nail, denied and who knows what else.  I did not want to and have not until Now Bless that his Death that was a Gift.

Yes, some may argue, how could I say such a thing, for he left a young wife, and two young children.

Death, no matter what form it comes in, a job, a career, a relationship, empty nest, illness or whatever the Form Death is in, it

Brings Abundance.  Abundance comes in many forms.

Consider for a moment, that Just Maybe the Most difficult time in your life Brought the Most

Abundance.

Love All we need Is LOVE!!!!!

Walk through the Veil

  Today the 31st of October, 2012

Its the warmest Halloween that I can remember

Change and Time and our Soul’s journey feels for me a sense of urgency

to get “things” done

Organize

Walk

Time…

Celebrate the Journey

Laugh, Play and Rest seem to call me often

Work, Creating and Exploring of what I am wanting to create through my work seems strange today and yet so right

I have worked in the field of accounting and counting for over 30 years

A field I searched the world over to find “My passionate expression”

Now I find my mind cannot keep track of “why”

So… I write, a desire I crave more than ever before,  it is an outlet that Truly provides the avenue for me to express

Expression, Grace, Joy, Play and Love through out my entire being

I have tossed, moved, painted, rearranged and reconfigured my home and yesterday began transforming my personal appearance

I was delighted to discover the Delight that is bursting within me

No longer am I able to push it down and away or deny

It is time to listen….

To walk through the veil and walk in spirit,  Joy, in Grace

and Honor the Journey of my Soul

Honor the Spiritual Gifts that I bring and must share with others

And as I listen closely and  hear the Joyful sounds of Play

I hear a whisper so sweetly

“It is Time. Time to Listen to the Beat of Your Heart for there within is the Gift of Your Soul”

What Day is it?

Time for Lunch?                                                                         

Time for Dinner?

Time for Love?

Time to Rest?

Time to Play?

What is time?  We could talk about the science of it or the belief of it yet I want to talk about

our relationship with it.

Lately,  I am wondering, do I like having a schedule or being free and loose

to design my day.  Do I need to discipline myself? Or am I already?

Wait, I already do have a schedule and I am disciplined.

So, Then, Why, Do I and so many others feel happy yet under pressure, lost yet somehow driven, completely over loaded yet

pleased,  or grateful?

And then still be so dissatisfied with ourselves or others.  Is it emotion? Is it beliefs? Is it Time?

What is Time and how is It impacting our lives?   Now, this moment this breath?

The photo in this post I took the day a Deer dropped into my life!  I was not sure what time it was then!!

Time to Change, my thinking, my beliefs, my Life.  What I did know…is, if I did not change and look within, something Larger

would Drop into my life.

What event in your life is calling you to change and are you listening or need to listen to?

Time to Go!!